holy eff. I hate not having a place where I can be myself. today is 4/6/2016. That is all I want to say about that. moving on...
I have goals in my head. Lots of them. They kind of just swim up there and every once in a while they talk to my brain and the conversations goes a little something like this.
"hey remember me?"
"yeah,,,, go away."
So they don't like to come around that often. until..... days like today where they are literally screaming for attention. and I have been sitting her wondering what causes days like today. Why do my goals all of a sudden not want to leave me the fuck alone. Like that should be a good thing, and really it is until anxiety comes in, and NO this is not some sob story this is just me talking out loud and I am not sad, just anxious, very very anxious. Don't get me wrong I can be sad sometimes. Actually a lot of time but right now is not one of those times... ANYWAYYYY anxiety. Anxiety comes in and its just like NOPE! NOT HAPPINING BAILEY. neeeevveerrr going to happen. So yeah that is why my goals are never reached. but just for the sake of my sanity I am going to list my goals here: that way my goals can stop bothering my brain and aniety and can rest peacefully on this page... forever.
GOAL 1: I really want to start taking voice lessons again. not like classical voice lessons, like pop and belt.
Goal 2. I really wanna get better at editing. like I wish I could just sit at a computer for a considerable amount of time and learn how to do amazing things when it comes to editing. like really really amazing things. But that would require me to have time to do this and with all of my other goals in my brain that is just unfortunately something I don't have.
goal 3 I wanna go to film schoooooooo. Aniety: "Don't even finish it. You know that's never going to happen"
Goal 4: I want to be really productive and good at my job. Like really good. Like never get off task or distracted and just focus a whole bunch and just be like a boss at my job. one small problem. MY JOB IS FUCKING BORING. like so boring. so so so boring. its a hard life.
goal 5: I want to be one of those domestic wives who is like really really good at cooking and who everyone is like "OOOOHHHH I wonder what bailey is bringing to this meal. I bet its going to be quite delectable."
Goal 6: I want to have an amazing wardrobe. Someday its like beautiful, elegant. other days, edgy, gothic. Sometimes I wanna be just ghetto black lady and but a sexy cropped sweatshirt and other days I just want to wear all elligant ball gown. its complex. espically when I am going through my wardrobe. its like this. "imma get rid of this, and this, and this, and this." *while chucking loads and loads of clothes in an organized bin and taking it to the Salvation army*-one day later- "where is that shirt I wanted to wear when I woke up this morning* and its just no longer there because yesterday I was in a modern style mood and now today I am in a 'ihateeveryone mood'. yeas its hard.
Goal 7: this kind of goes along with goal 6 but I really just want to be organized. The other day, I kid you not, I watched youtube videos on organization for 4 hours. 4 HOURS. that's a long time. and then did it for a week straight. got all of my stuff together, on paper that is, and guess what. those organization tips and plans have not moved from that paper since.
NEXT
GOAL 7. IW ANT TO BEH EALTHY. *those spaces are my hiccips because these things do not seem to leave* I will plan means and be like "ooohhh this week I am going to eat vegan" next week I'm filling out a application for biggest loser. YUP
goal 8: I want to be independent. I want some guy to write a rap about how independent I am. I want him to be like "damn, my girl so fine. she independent as fuck and she loving being on her own and owning everything she loves. she don't need me to buy her mcDicks because she grabs the tab first. She be wearing her luis vittons and paid for them with her hard earned cash. She be strutting that fat ass round town and knowing that she can get any nigga she wants because she IN-De-PEN-Dent.
and yeah. that's pretty much it. just a few of my thoughts. thanks for letting me rant. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot more of this...... Sorry :|
